So, Father
Trial upon trial have torn down my defense.
Internal and external, illusion or threat,
Doubt, insecurity, and anxiety have become my countenance.
Uncertainty has replaced sleep as I spend my nights
Tossing and turning, imagining scenes of my future.
Anxious of the details, rest has become a cursed blight.
Monument after memorial, I try to recall Our past,
But my emotional mortal mind becomes a stumbling block;
My heart says "Rest", but my head runs too fast.
Ever-agitated, my heart feels cold; frozen and dead.
My faith has been replaced by my faceless visage
Inside, I'm in pain, but I build a righteous facade to cover my head.
Ironically at a loss for words to describe this agony,
I've hidden behind my own failing righteousness.
There must be a reason, make my faith complete-
I lack the very essential gift of patience,
Yet it feels as though every trial is intentionally testing it,
I sing through the fear: "Faith, be my cadence."
For each blessing comes a burden of responsibility,
So these burdens must equate to a blessing I fail to see.
I squint toward the future, horizon blank, futility!
As the stars are many, so too, are your thoughts of me-
My heart so dearly desires to believe these words.
Though I sit in the dark, this room is as bright as can be.
- I will push through, I will climb the highest peak only to sink to the deepest depths and remember that you still remain. I would tear apart this world just so I can claw my way back to you; whatever it takes, I will DO. Wherever this path leads, I will FOLLOW. There will be no stopping me as I reach for your hand in the midst of this storm. -
Internal and external, illusion or threat,
Doubt, insecurity, and anxiety have become my countenance.
Uncertainty has replaced sleep as I spend my nights
Tossing and turning, imagining scenes of my future.
Anxious of the details, rest has become a cursed blight.
Monument after memorial, I try to recall Our past,
But my emotional mortal mind becomes a stumbling block;
My heart says "Rest", but my head runs too fast.
Ever-agitated, my heart feels cold; frozen and dead.
My faith has been replaced by my faceless visage
Inside, I'm in pain, but I build a righteous facade to cover my head.
Ironically at a loss for words to describe this agony,
I've hidden behind my own failing righteousness.
There must be a reason, make my faith complete-
I lack the very essential gift of patience,
Yet it feels as though every trial is intentionally testing it,
I sing through the fear: "Faith, be my cadence."
For each blessing comes a burden of responsibility,
So these burdens must equate to a blessing I fail to see.
I squint toward the future, horizon blank, futility!
As the stars are many, so too, are your thoughts of me-
My heart so dearly desires to believe these words.
Though I sit in the dark, this room is as bright as can be.
- I will push through, I will climb the highest peak only to sink to the deepest depths and remember that you still remain. I would tear apart this world just so I can claw my way back to you; whatever it takes, I will DO. Wherever this path leads, I will FOLLOW. There will be no stopping me as I reach for your hand in the midst of this storm. -
Note from the author: I wrote this based upon a long prayer I had (I often write my prayers out on the computer as I find it's easier to focus that way), and I wrote it with the intention of making it a spoken word. I still do intend to record this as a spoken word, but I have no idea when I'll end up doing it.
